Friendships are supposed to be soft places. Where you laugh until your stomach hurts, share secrets you wouldn’t tell anyone else, and feel safe being fully yourself. But sometimes, the same girls you trust become the ones who make you question your worth.
Toxic female friendships don’t always start off bad. In fact, they often begin with deep connections, loyalty, and fun. But along the way, something shifts and suddenly, you’re unsure if you’re growing together or just getting drained.
Let’s talk about the signs. And if you recognize them, let’s talk about how to walk away.
You Feel Small Around Her
You hesitate before speaking because she might mock you. She “jokes” about your weight, your dreams, or your family, and somehow it’s always funny to everyone but you. If being around her makes you feel like you’re never good enough, something’s wrong.
Friendship should never shrink you.
She Talks… and Talks… But Never Listens
She always has something to rant about, her latest crush, family drama, her big plans. But when it’s your turn to speak, she cuts you off or changes the topic. You’re there when she needs you, but when it’s your turn? Crickets.
One-sided friendships drain you emotionally.
You Feel Like You’re Being Controlled
She gets upset when you hang out with others. She wants to know everything you’re doing, where you’re going, and with who. She might guilt-trip you or call you fake for trying to make new friends.
It’s not loyalty, it’s control.
You’re Always the Joke
She teases you in front of people, and when you bring it up, she says you’re being “too sensitive.” You laugh along to keep the peace, but inside, you feel embarrassed and hurt. That’s not banter, that’s disrespect with a smile on it.
Your Secrets Aren’t Safe
Maybe you opened up about something personal, and now others know. Or she throws it back at you during arguments. Trust once broken rarely heals fully and no one deserves to be emotionally blackmailed with their own truth.
You Feel Drained, Not Recharged
After hanging out with her, you feel mentally tired, not lighter. You find yourself overthinking every conversation, wondering if you said too much or not enough. That’s your intuition nudging you, something’s off.
She’s in Competition With You
It could be subtle, the need to dress better, post more, or do things just to outshine you. She won’t celebrate your wins unless she’s winning too. Your growth feels like a threat to her, not something to clap for.
Real friends don’t compete, they cheer.
She Makes You Feel Left Out On Purpose
You see the group pictures, the hangouts, the inside jokes you were never told about. When you ask, she downplays it or blames you for not being “available.” The message is loud and clear: you’re being excluded.
You’re Always Saying Sorry
You apologize just to keep the peace even when you’re not wrong. You explain your boundaries, justify your feelings, and feel like a burden for standing up for yourself.
That’s not friendship. That’s manipulation.
So… How Do You Walk Away?
Leaving a toxic friendship feels hard especially when you’ve shared memories, chats, and good times. But staying in something that chips away at your self-esteem is harder.
Here’s what you can do:
1. Stop Trying to Fix What Keeps Breaking
You’ve probably tried to talk it out. You’ve given second, third, and fifteenth chances. But peace shouldn’t be something you beg for. If it keeps hurting, it’s time to let go.
2. Create Distance Without Guilt
You don’t need to block and announce it to the world. Start with small boundaries. Don’t reply instantly. Say no when you need space. You’re allowed to take care of your mental health without feeling guilty.
3. Don’t Over-Explain Your “No”
Girls are often raised to be agreeable. To say “yes” even when it drains them. That’s why saying no sometimes feels like rebellion. But “no” is not rude. It’s powerful. You don’t want to visit? No. You don’t want to join that activity? No. That’s enough.
You don’t owe explanations for protecting your peace.
4. Surround Yourself With Real Ones
Friendships should feel safe. Look for people who make space for your voice, your feelings, your wins, and even your off days. When you walk away from what breaks you, you make room for what heals you.
5. Talk to Someone You Trust
If you’re struggling with how to let go, talk to someone older, a mentor, youth leader, older cousin, or even a counselor. You’re not alone in this, and sometimes, just saying things out loud brings clarity.
You deserve friendships that feel light. That water your dreams and remind you that you’re enough without competition, guilt, or control. If someone’s love for you is wrapped in conditions, sarcasm, or secrecy, it’s not real love.
It’s okay to outgrow people. It’s okay to protect your peace. It’s okay to choose soft, kind, and healthy friendships even if it means walking alone for a while.
You’re not difficult. You’re not dramatic. You’re not proud.
You’re growing and that’s more than okay.